An aspect of being resilient and managing change effectively is being aware of where we put our focus. For instance, is it on the the negative or the positive.
We need to eliminate all negativity from our lives. Which, I think, would be impossible to do but we can certainly reduce a phenomenal amount of it. How? One way would be by not whining, whinging or gossiping and… not get involved WITH those who whine, whinge and gossip.
I’m not suggesting we don’t stand up for ourselves.
Compare: This coffee is cold, please bring me a fresh cup.
With: I had the worst cup of coffee at that cafe this morning. The coffee was stone cold. I’m never going back there ever again. What a waste of money. I can’t afford to be paying out for substandard drinks. Nothing good ever happens to me.
In the first instance we’re complaining to a relevant person in order to bring about a change. We’re giving this relevant person a chance to correct the wrong that’s been done (if it their fault). Which, is the honourable thing to do as well as our right to do so.
In the second instance we’re moaning to a non-relevant person. This complaining is usually done for fun, or to pass the time, or to make us feel better in some way, or make us feel more important, or worse still as a way of connecting with another negative person.
If there’s a genuine complaint it needs sorting out, of course it does. Don’t ignore it.
If you catch yourself complaining ask yourself what you can do about it? If you can do something about it then do it. If you can’t then it’s far better to put your energies in to something that benefits you or you just end up wasting time and energy on something you can’t do anything about. Ultimately it’ll make you feel disempowered too, and disempowerment erodes your resilience.
The watchword is ‘mindfulness’. By being mindful of our thoughts and behaviours, especially the unhelpful thoughts and behaviours, we have a chance to change it for our benefit.
If you come across someone who loves to complain, whinge and gossip for the joy of it then either ignore them or do your best to change the subject. You might compliment them on something they’re wearing. Anything, just find a way of politely moving on (either in the conversation or physically away from them).
By the way, did I tell you that I had the worst cup of coffee at that cafe this morning. The coffee was stone cold. I’m never going back there ever again. What a waste of… oops ;)
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