Resilience and the Valentine most people forget

I’m willing to bet every year on Valentine’s day there’s one person in your life you’ll ignore and not show love and appreciation for. If I’m wrong I owe you an apology.

You see, this person is key to you building your resilience.


In my opinion, you should show love for, and to, this person even more than anyone else in your life and not just on Valentine’s day but, EVERY DAY.


You may have noticed there’s one thing many of us do on a more than regular basis and even find difficult to stop.


If something doesn’t work out the way we want or we make a mistake, many of us will beat ourselves up. Why?


By the way, I can certainly empathise as I used to beat myself up often, until I realised it was just a habit and an unhelpful one at that.


I’m sorry to say, there was a point in my life when I not only didn’t love myself but hated myself too… and I did so for quite a while.


I’d say to myself, ‘ You idiot, what were you thinking? Now look what you’ve done…’ and I’d go on and on and on and on and on…


It was just a waste of time and energy that could have been better spent elsewhere and on something constructive and beneficial.


Today (in fact, for many years now), when I make an error, I allow myself to feel whatever emotion I need to feel. It might be shock, anger, whatever and if I need to be annoyed at myself, I allow it. Why? Because I need to express those emotions and not bottle them up. But I’ll only do it for a few minutes 10/15 minutes max.


I now rarely call myself names or get angry or annoyed at myself, I usually just tut and quickly move on.


I then look for a way to correct the error and, if I can, I will. A good question to ask is, ‘What do I need to do to make this right?’


If I can’t correct it I’ll ask, ‘What can I learn from the situation and what will I do differently next time?’


After all, mistakes are an opportunity to learn.


And get this, when things are going well, I’ll congratulate and encourage myself as I would do a friend.


There’s a difference between ‘loving yourself’ and ‘being in love with yourself’. It’s a common mistake many of us make.


Being in love with yourself is when you think you’re perfect and God’s gift to the world. Loving yourself is treating yourself like your own best friend, accepting yourself for who and what you are, faults, warts and all. That doesn’t mean there’s no room for improvement and you don’t continue to develop yourself to be the best version of you possible. Nor does it mean you can purposely offend others and make mistakes. The aim is to do the best you can, learn and evolve.


To build resilience the person we need to love the most above all others is, of course… ourselves.


I must go now I have my new office to refurbish. You should see the plans, nothing fancy, just a full length mirror and a throne ;)

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